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Why to Ship your Volcano Vaporizer Ahead of your Flight

by scott on August 3, 2008

Okay, so I know that sometimes we don’t think quite as clearly as we should, but the bottom line is this; The Transportation Safety Administration (TSA) — a.k.a. those wonderful people who make us all feel safer on our flight by checking our shoes for bombs and confiscating our fingernail files should not be trusted with items that cost over a few hundred dollars.

If you’ve recently purchased your Volcano Vaporizer for your aromatherapy or other herbal holistic purposes, it would probably be in your best interest to go ahead and UPS it to your vacation destination instead of taking it along in your carry-on bag.

Now I’m not the paranoid type. I am sure that you could convince the TSA that your new Volcano Vaporizer was any of the following:

a) A personal sanitizer, because you are a germ-a-phobe

b) A tiny space ship, because you are an alien

c) A food dehydrator which is a gift for your mother

d) A sex toy

Now, these explanations should work in most situations, but for all practical purposes you would rather avoid any confrontation with the TSA. After all, your Volcano Vaporizer wasn’t cheap and you’d rather not have it confiscated and held for further investigation. Also, in certain situations you may be more susceptible to being searched or singled out than other individuals. Following is my carefully compiled list of the people who are most likely to be detained by the TSA. You may want to look into a mirror as you read these descriptions, just to be safe. You may be singled out and searched by the TSA if:

  • You are an extremely attractive blonde
  • You hold any resemblance to a former Grateful Dead member
  • You have numerous tattoos
  • You are an extremely attractive brunette
  • You appear fidgety or over-talkative
  • You appear overly calm
  • You are an extremely attractive red-head
  • You appear wealthy
  • You appear middle class
  • You are wearing shoes
  • You have breasts
  • You look like you may be hiding something
  • You look tired
  • You look happy
  • You are a loner
  • You are in a group of people
  • You have an accent

As you can see from the above descriptions, there are a select few who may be singled out, detained, searched and questioned by the TSA.

The good news is, our reliable UPS delivery man has been supplying us with all of our herbal remedies, supplies and paraphernalia for decades. Your UPS man can be trusted. The man in brown will carefully and respectfully deliver whatever you give him, without question or concern. Remember when you were 12 and the UPS man delivered 25 Roy Orbison albums to your next-door neighbor just because you taped a penny to an order form and mailed it in? Remember when he delivered all the firearms and illegal explosives to your front door just last summer? Don’t trust your Volcano Vaporizer to anyone else.

Flying these days is risky business. Somewhere there is an airport security guard with 254 tweezers, 43 aerosol cans, 14 lighters and 56 nail files in his kitchen drawer. Don’t let him get your Volcano Vaporizer too.

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